January 1, 2006
New Year's Day: A time for reflecting on the past, and looking
toward the future. For remembering the past year, the highs and the
lows, the joys and the sorrows, the realization of hopes and fears.
And in some years, realizing that the events of that year have
profoundly changed, for better or worse, all the years to come.
I long ago came to think of these as "watershed years," because
like a high ridge, they mark a clear division between past and
future. The landscape on one side is markedly different from that on
the other. And the way you approach the journey, from this point on,
must also therefore be different.
I can remember several such years in my life. Graduating from
high school in 1979. Moving out on my own and getting married in
1984. Becoming a father in 1987. Facing the death of no less than
six people, and in the process renewing my faith in God, in 1994.
Losing a job and gaining a new perspective on what truly matters in
2000. There are others. I'm sure listing them all would bore you.
These years come readily to mind when I think of watersheds.
Most often it's not a single event, but a series of seemingly
unrelated occurrences that conspire together to have so profound an
effect that I know, without a doubt, that my life will never, ever,
be the same. No doubt sometimes that awareness is a self-fulfilling
prophecy. Sometimes, the change comes like a freight train, and
there is simply no stopping it. All I can do is brace for the
impact. And sometimes, I see the change coming, and realize that,
although I can't stop it, I can choose the path that I will take
from this point forward.
I will forever remember 2005 as a watershed, the highest ridge
that I've yet crossed in the journey of my life. I'm not quite over
that ridge, and the way ahead is not yet visible to me, but the
landscape has already changed. The climb is difficult, physically
and emotionally exhausting. But I have a hope that what I find on
the other side will be worth the effort. The past year has brought
hope, fear, joy, sorrow, life and death, the pleasure of making new
acquaintances, sadness in losing old ones. I’ve learned that some
friends are friends only in fair weather, and that there are some
friends that I will be able to count on forever, no matter my
circumstances, or theirs.
The novelist George Eliot said, "It's never too late to be what
you might have been." Looking back I realize that there are many
things that I might have been, had I the courage at the right time
to make a choice and stand by it. Life is too short for regrets, and
I have too many in mine. I look in the mirror and I see a man
growing older, who has had many opportunities, and squandered nearly
all of them.
But the past cannot be changed, and time spent on regrets is
wasted. Today is a new day, a new year, a new opportunity, either to
seize or to squander. I don't know what the future holds, but there
are might-have-beens that still might be. I will try to spend this
day living in the moment, and contemplating my future, rather than
regretting my past.
I wish everyone a very happy New Year, and I hope that your
opportunities outweigh your regrets. May you live every day of your
life. Carpe diem!
Yesterday is already a Dream,
And Tomorrow is only a Vision.
But Today, well-lived,
Makes every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,
And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.
